Who is authentic Shirley?

So, I am still high from posting my very first blog and throwing caution to the wind. Now, I am wondering how I would like to present myself. Meaning, how do I let the real Shirley shine through?


I guess, what I am asking myself is, who is the real Shirley, the authentic Shirley. To be very honest, I am still in search of the authentic Shirley. For me, being authentic is being able to love who you are; the good, the bad and the ugly.

For me, as far back as I can remember, I had no problem being Shirley up until the age of 6. Prior to 6, being Shirley is GREAT! I remembered being praised as highly intelligent, being Daddy's girl, loved by grandma and gets almost anything I want...life was GREAT!

Then, when I hit first grade and when academic performance came into play, I was constantly being compared to someone...there was ALWAYS someone who was doing better than I did. Soon, I began to feel like I was not good enough...I felt that way all the way till I was 36.

I felt betrayed by me. I felt like the intelligent little girl that everyone loved just walked out of my life and left me with the not good enough. Soon, I was asked, "Why can't you be more like so and so?" Then, I got the message that I am not good enough. It went from feeling not good enough to being not good enough.

Then, I began studying the top students in class and really studied them. I studied how they write, how they talk, how they walk, even right down to how they hold their pens and I even changed my penmanship to look like theirs. Looking back, I now realized that I was in the process of shedding Shirley and be like those top students. I began my journey of denying myself, my existence, my essence and my identity.

So, now, training as a Fearless life coach and living the Fearless principles, I am faced with the question...who is authentic Shirley? By authentic, I define it as having the courage to show up with flaws and all and embracing my youth as an academic challenge who was the last in her class for years and my parents were called into conference with my teacher regarding my "failures".

There! I've said it and I've shared. I was an academic challenge. I came in last in my class. I used to burn, burn with shame, let alone share with the world what I crappy student I was. I used to ask myself, "Why can't I be more like so and so? Why can't I be more like my siblings who were so successful in their academics, in their lives and their careers?"

Right now, I want to acknowledge myself for being authentic. I am not afraid that you or anyone else in this world knows about my miserable grades. That was part of who I am. I am also GRATEFUL for this experience as I now know that asking "Why can't you be more like so and so?" is really not an encouragment!!!!! And, that is not the way I would encourage my beautiful Sophia.

I still don't quite know who the Authenic Shirley is. I am still searching it out myself and I do know though, that being honest is part of being authentic Shirley!

Peace.

Coach Shirley