What do you do when you feel like the whole world has moved on and you are left behind? What do you do when you feel like you are swimming with all your might to keep your chin up and not drown? What do you do when you cannot find a life line to hang onto just for a moment to rest, to let go and know and TRUST that you will not drown?
So, today, I am here, as a fellow human being, having one of the toughest emotional day ever. When I started this blog, I mentioned it is about my journey, learning to live in the moment, using my tools that I had learnt with a coach and now, a coach myself, teaching them to my clients.
At this moment, I am choosing to let go of those tools for a while and be in touch with myself, my emotions. I had realized that I have kept them close to me and not allowing myself to share in this blog. I wanted to come across as someone who has it together. Well, I am giving myself permission to not have it all. And, it is okay.
I had isolated myself from people who I used to call friends. I was bitter and disappointed that they did not come to comfort me, even rescue me. I was having expectations of what my friends should do for me and disappointed they did not.
So, what am I supposed to? What if I have truly lost faith in myself, my friends and even God? I was asked where was my responsibility to myself. And, that got me really spiraling downwards because, I think there is some truth to it. That I was not practicing being responsible to myself, to help myself and to be accountable to my life, my husband, my child.
I isolated myself from even my best friend, and not sharing with her my hurts and fears. I don't her to worry and I don't want her judgments. And, in the end, I am the one, judging myself the most.
I know that I will not allow myself to stay where I am right now for too long. I will dust myself off; choose one behavior that will support me in feeling back to being in control...lol...somewhat in control of my life. And, be present and patient with my beautiful daughter.
Today, I don't have tips to share about living a more fearless life. I am just here, vulnerable, open and embracing my humanity. Because, this too, is part of my journey. That's life.
Be fearless...
Coach Shirley
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Farewell my body fats! Bon voyage!!!
While I was working out today, I had a really big, "Ah Ha!" moment that turned my views about workouts and exercising. And, before I go into my story, let me just share how proud I am of myself when I chose to work out at 3:30 pm in the afternoon, at home while baby Sophia is napping. This is a HUGE accomplisment and committment to myself. And, I saw it through.
So, back to the story. While I was working out, I realized that as I am consistently working out, the body fats that I am carrying with me today, will be gone. I mean, they will melt off of me and never to return, so help me God! When I realized that, I began to truly stay in the present and paid attention to my body. I mean, REALLY listened and tuned into how my body felt when I moved, kicked, and punched. I began to have true appreciation for my body and suddenly, I find myself in a state of gratitude. And, on some weird level, I was kind of like having a farewell party to the body fats that I am working off. I began to really enjoy my workout and before I knew it, I was done! And, I am looking forward to another one because I want to have another farewell party to the other body fats that did not get send off today.
So, what exactly am I trying to share here? Well, I changed my view about working out and I have turned it into an enjoyable party each time I work out. In my mind, I am having a sending off party. I can't wait to work out again. The image in my head, sending off bit by bit of my excess body fats that are unhealthy for me, is just sooo empowering to me! I no longer dread going to the gym, or looking for excuses to not go and work out.
I don't know if my "ah ha!" moment today is helpful at all, or if I am even making any sense to you. I am practicing letting go of judgments of myself and my view and I am willing to share.
If you understand what I am sharing here and you too, have come to some form of an epiphany moment, pleaaasseee, share with me. I would like to know that I am not the only one here. lol...thanks for hanging out with me!
Fearlessly,
Coach Shirley
So, back to the story. While I was working out, I realized that as I am consistently working out, the body fats that I am carrying with me today, will be gone. I mean, they will melt off of me and never to return, so help me God! When I realized that, I began to truly stay in the present and paid attention to my body. I mean, REALLY listened and tuned into how my body felt when I moved, kicked, and punched. I began to have true appreciation for my body and suddenly, I find myself in a state of gratitude. And, on some weird level, I was kind of like having a farewell party to the body fats that I am working off. I began to really enjoy my workout and before I knew it, I was done! And, I am looking forward to another one because I want to have another farewell party to the other body fats that did not get send off today.
So, what exactly am I trying to share here? Well, I changed my view about working out and I have turned it into an enjoyable party each time I work out. In my mind, I am having a sending off party. I can't wait to work out again. The image in my head, sending off bit by bit of my excess body fats that are unhealthy for me, is just sooo empowering to me! I no longer dread going to the gym, or looking for excuses to not go and work out.
I don't know if my "ah ha!" moment today is helpful at all, or if I am even making any sense to you. I am practicing letting go of judgments of myself and my view and I am willing to share.
If you understand what I am sharing here and you too, have come to some form of an epiphany moment, pleaaasseee, share with me. I would like to know that I am not the only one here. lol...thanks for hanging out with me!
Fearlessly,
Coach Shirley
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