Keeping my chin up...

What do you do when you feel like the whole world has moved on and you are left behind?  What do you do when you feel like you are swimming with all your might to keep your chin up and not drown?  What do you do when you cannot find a life line to hang onto just for a moment to rest, to let go and know and TRUST that you will not drown?

So, today, I am here, as a fellow human being, having one of the toughest emotional day ever.  When I started this blog, I mentioned it is about my journey, learning to live in the moment, using my tools that I had learnt with a coach and now, a coach myself, teaching them to my clients.

At this moment, I am choosing to let go of those tools for a while and be in touch with myself, my emotions.  I had realized that I have kept them close to me and not allowing myself to share in this blog.  I wanted to come across as someone who has it together.  Well, I am giving myself permission to not have it all.  And, it is okay.

I had isolated myself from people who I used to call friends.  I was bitter and disappointed that they did not come to comfort me, even rescue me.  I was having expectations of what my friends should do for me and disappointed they did not.

So, what am I supposed to?  What if I have truly lost faith in myself, my friends and even God?  I was asked where was my responsibility to myself.  And, that got me really spiraling downwards because, I think there is some truth to it.  That I was not practicing being responsible to myself, to help myself and to be accountable to my life, my husband, my child.

I isolated myself from even my best friend, and not sharing with her my hurts and fears.  I don't her to worry and I don't want her judgments.  And, in the end, I am the one, judging myself the most. 

I know that I will not allow myself to stay where I am right now for too long.  I will dust myself off; choose one behavior that will support me in feeling back to being in control...lol...somewhat in control of my life.   And, be present and patient with my beautiful daughter.

Today, I don't have tips to share about living a more fearless life.  I am just here, vulnerable, open and embracing my humanity.  Because, this too, is part of my journey.  That's life.

Be fearless...

Coach Shirley